Slowly does it

I don’t think there has ever been a time in my life when I have done anything quickly. My boys used to joke ‘mum never runs unless she needs the loo’. They were right. Have you ever tried to run up a flight of stairs with your legs crossed. I can tell you it’s impossible.

Anyway, I don’t walk fast, read fast or do anything fast. The same seems to be the case with building my Avon business. I don’t do huge amounts of canvassing for new customers like most of my friends.However week by week I am adding more customers to my business. Today I dropped books to some new houses and some that I have canvassed before. I went back to pick up some stragglers from another road. I picked up one new customer. That makes it three new customers this week. Taking my total up to 101. It was my plan to canvass a lot more houses than I have been able to do. Due to my recent health issues it has been a slower growth than I had hoped for.

I had also hoped to grow my team quicker than I have so maybe you could help me. If you know anyone who would like to become an Avon Rep or Sales Leader perhaps you could show them my website

earn from beauty

or perhaps you would like to buy from my shop

My online store54410683_294436737919675_7825833577597108224_n

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Brexit bloody Brexit

Now this is a very rare event for me. I have my political views but very rarely share them with others.

Since July 2016 we have been (OK, Theresa May) has been negotiating our exit from EU. I am not afraid to state that I voted to remain in the EU as did my grown up sons and their friends. However as much as I was very angry (much to my surprise) that the vote narrowly went to the Leave camp. I have said all along that we shouldn’t have a second referendum as that would make a mockery out of having it in the first place.

Having sat through so many updates on the current saga, I am afraid to say that our Politicians have made a right pigs ear of the whole thing. There has been so much squabbling over what each camp don’t want but nobody has put forward any sensible plan for what they do want. I do believe that, not all but a huge number of those who voted to leave did so under a very simplistic view of what would happen. No one on either side had any clear view of how complicated the whole thing would be.

I have now come to the conclusion that with the current shambles that is our Government. It is now time to reconsider. Our Government are insisting that to revoke Article 50 would be to let down the Electorate who voted to leave. The Electorate would no longer be able to trust our Government. Do they truly believe that any of them has our trust at the moment?

I now believe that had the Electorate been made aware of all that Article 50 would entail then the results of the referendum in 2016 would have been different. Maybe the end result would still have been to leave but at least everyone would have had a clearer idea of what they were voting for.

I can understand why the Government are saying that we have to go ahead because it was the will of the people. The people didn’t know they were voting for this. I don’t want to say we should keep voting until The Remainers get the result that they want.

I am saying now that we know more about what it involves, lets have a go at starting again.

Revoke Article 50

Relationships

Since leaving my second alcoholic husband a year ago I have been living with my mother. I have gone from being in a large 4 bedroom house where I ran everything from the cooking cleaning, finances etc. I have been running a home for over 30 years (my eldest son is now 31). Over that time I have accumulated a collection of kitchen things.

Moving in with my mother I left the majority of my things behind. I have one medium bedroom plus I have taken over the two seater sofa. The kitchen is about a quarter of the size of the one I left behind. I never thought I would miss doing the weekly shop, but I find myself walking around a supermarket thinking about what I could buy/make. There is very little room in the cupboards or fridge ad freezer for me to add the things I would buy. It has been a challenge going back to live with my mother after all these years of running my own home.

I love my mum to bits and we have always been very close. I am very grateful to her for allowing me to move in with her when I left my husband. In the last year it has become apparent that her need for my help (in small ways) has increased. I don’t now feel I could leave her on her own again.

It would have been easy to become stuck in a way of working and caring but not living. However last summer I joined my friend in her Avon team. I didn’t want to do catalogues, my plan was to work solely online which I could do from the comfort of home. I very quickly gained about 50 customers (not online). After a couple of campaigns I also decided to become a Sales Leader and build a team of my own. Before Christmas I had recruited 12 people into my team (with varying success).  I am now on a mission to recruit more team members. I am keen to help others enjoy the benefits I have found from being in this Avon family. Not only am I earning extra money, I am making new friends, loving all the products. I have never had so many perfumes. Designer handbags, jewellery.

Joining Avon was a great decision for me. I has given me a life outside of my work and living with my mum.luck for her gift set

http://www.earnwithbeauty.me.uk

My Decision

Around 10 years ago I wrote this piece about my decision to divorce the other parent. How I felt 2 years after the event.

It has been a couple of years now and I don’t have any regrets. Some time ago, I think it was the middle of last summer my mother asked the question.

‘If you had known how hard it was going to be would you still have done it?’

I consider this carefully before replying. I am not sure why as I knew the answer, there was never any doubt in my mind.

‘Yes most definitely, it was the best thing I could have done.’

Indeed it was the only thing I could have done. I had given it my best shot. 19 years of my life I had given to that man.   But the day had come when I realised that enough was enough. He couldn’t understand it when I told him I didn’t want to continue living with him. He couldn’t work out what was wrong with me. We had a good marriage didn’t we, we never argued did we?

He was right in a way, as until the last few months we had very rarely had a row. Firstly he was never around to have a row with as he was always either at work, pub or asleep. (the perfect marriage in some ways).

Secondly we never rowed because, when he was around he made me feel so useless and weak that I never dared to argue with him and on the occasions when I tried to vent my anger on him he would turn it around to be my fault. Like the many Saturday mornings when he came home from shopping. (I wasn’t allowed to shop I spent too much, whereas he always bought bargains – you know the deals where if you buy this you get that free or the end of date things).  We had a freezer full of things we would never use and a fridge full of things that had to be eaten in one day but nothing for the rest of the week.

He often came in with a mood on, this would make me grumpy, (no one likes to be moaned at for no reason). Because I was now grumpy he would complain about my mood and stomp off to the pub.

During all these years he would tell me that I was

‘fat, ugly, useless with a brain like a sieve’

Now after so many years of being told this it becomes hard to believe otherwise. I believe that if you get married you should try to make the marriage work. I was not going to give up easily. I had to try to make it work. Besides I had nowhere to go and 4 children to consider. Because I had done such a good job of trying to make our marriage work he had no idea that it wasn’t working. The end of our marriage came as a big shock to him. For me it never really was a marriage. I had never been in love with him. We had never courted as such, just fell into a relationship as when we met we were both getting over broken hearts and needed someone to turn to. If I hadn’t got pregnant the marriage would never have happened.

Now, though we are divorced and I have never been happier. Financially we were never really solvent as a couple. Does anyone know a solvent alcoholic?  But we did have two wages coming in, his full time wage and my part time wage (part time!! I worked longer hours than he did for half the money).

Now it is just me and the boys, I am the only one bringing any money into the home. It has been a struggle and there are days when we have to keep our coats on because it’s too darn cold and I don’t have any spare cash to buy gas. (Yes I have had to get a key meter for both the gas and electricity). There are days when we have just 2 slices of bread and no milk. But we manage, I have not killed any of them off yet.

Are we better off now? Financially no we are worse off but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it isn’t going to be like this forever and now that I have a full time job that I enjoy things can only get better.

However we as a family unit are much happier. Gone are the days of dreading the door opening, wondering if he is in one of his soppy drunk moods or in a nasty bad tempered mood that has everyone either cowering behind a cushion or hiding away in the bedrooms. Gone are the days where everyone had to be silent or risk his bellow of

‘Stop that noise’ or ‘be quiet’

In the past two years there has very rarely been a cross word spoke between any of the five of us. It took me a few months to realise that he was never going to be here again chastising me for staying up late or reading when I should be doing something else. I can have friends here if I choose. (visitors were forbidden when he was here).

Our house rings with the sound of music (not always to my taste, teenagers!!) and laughter where before there was only silence broken by shouts of ‘silence’.

There is an air of confidence about us all that was not there before. I have learnt that I am worth so much more than I ever knew. I am happy, I laugh, I joke, I feel sexy, I feel worthy, I have finally come to love the person I am.

As I said at the start this was around 10 years ago. The first few years after our divorce were challenging to say the least.  Harassment charges, death threats, an injunction to keep him away. Things have moved on. We are now able to be civil, we share a grandchild and communicate far more frequently than in the past. We are even able to be in the same room with our offspring. The next big challenge will be when we both attend our son’s wedding later this year. I’m sure it will be fine. I couldn’t have imagined this 10 years ago.

Being nice isn’t wrong

I have been thinking about my life. I wouldn’t say that it has been a bed of roses but there have been moments of joy and I have people on my life that  am grateful for. I have a loving family and supportive friends.

When I was between marriages I was given a book to read. why men love bitches

I tried to take the advice given in this book but eventually I came to the conclusion that if I took this advice and behaved accordingly, yes I might meet someone but they wouldn’t know the true me. It wouldn’t be easy for me to be anything but a nice person. I always think of how the other person would feel if I acted in certain ways. I don’t want to be a bitch in order to get what I want. I need to be true to myself. If others don’t want me because of that then that is their loss not mine.

In the last year I have gone through a tough time especially the last few weeks. I’m not saying that the time before this last year was not tough also. However it is the last year that I am thinking about right now. I am not going to delve into what has been going on, those who know me already know anyway.

What I am thinking about is that when people like myself have a tough time with the people around them, basically get treated badly for being a nice person. The general view is that the person being treated badly is in the wrong for allowing others to treat them as a door mat. I guess that people like me are thought of as being too weak to stand up for themselves.

I can’t speak for others but for myself, I don’t view myself as weak, I am actually fairly strong. However I do try to be a nice person, there might be rare occasions when I fail. Some people in my life have not treated me very well. I might never forget but I do try to forgive. I do my best to treat others as I would like to be treated. I know that many will think I am wrong, I shouldn’t allow myself to be treated so badly. I do not deliberately allow myself to be treated badly. I just try to be a better person by responding with kindness.

I do think there is something wrong with society if people who are kind to others are looked at as being wrong. In my mind it is those who treat others badly who are wrong not those who are treated badly.

Life on hold

I have been wanting to write a new post for days now but what to write that has been the problem. I don’t have an exciting life to write about. I don’t want to be constantly writing about the wild birds we see in the garden (there are not that many at the moment).

I would rather not be writing about the ongoing saga that is my current marital situation. However I can now say that the house is finally up for sale and an open day is planned for this coming weekend. Although my husband has been feeling rather low recently he is now being much more positive.

Personally I am not really living, I feel that my life is on hold. I go to work (which although tiring I do enjoy). I return to the home I am sharing with my mother. I either read or sleep interspersed with conversations with my mum. Sometimes I manage to sort through some of the many boxes and bags that have been transported here to be stored around the perimeter of my single bedroom.

The big news of recent weeks was our outing to a Rotary Club Quiz night. Yes I know I really know how to live the high life. Our team came second (losing by just 2 points).

Next week I shall be taking two days off from my work. The plan is that I will drive with my mother to London where we will visit my son and his fiancee who I am pleased to say will be making me a Granny in May.

I have said for many years that I am not yet ready to become a grandmother as I haven’t yet finished being a mother. I know many of my friends love having grandchildren, for me it has not been something that I have been in a hurry to participate in. However I was beginning to worry that my sons were going to leave it so late that I would be too old to enjoy my grandchildren when they do finally arrive. Having four sons I do anticipate that I will have more than the one grandchild.

I am hoping that by the time the summer arrives I shall have sufficiently recovered from recent events that I will be in a better place mentally as well as financially to be able to start enjoying life again.

life on pause

Less is more

Things have been better this week. I have been busy at work and there have been a couple of days when I didn’t need to sleep all afternoon. I have had some very early nights though. 9pm one evening and even 8.30 a few days ago.

I am beginning to feel more like getting things organised and added a further 5 bags of clothes to the clothes bank yesterday. Does anyone need any clothes hangers, I am sure mine have been breeding! How did I ever have so many clothes that I didn’t have enough hangers? No longer working in an office and losing 3 stone in weight has meant that most of the clothes I had are no longer suitable. These days I live in a few pairs of leggings and a couple of pairs of jeans some t-shirts and jumpers. Living the simple life as far as clothes are concerned.

Communications with my husband have turned a corner too. I have not had a nasty message for a week! Instead he is starting to tell me that he misses/loves me and wants me back. He has begun talking about the future being a journey and would I join him? I have had to tell him that a few conversations are not enough, it is going to take time. I need to know that he has stopped drinking (not just for a week or too but for much longer). I need to know that he has given himself the chance to accept support not just from me but from others who can give him more help than I can. I also need him to take on more financial responsibility and not leave 90% on my shoulders.

He is putting the house up for sale, he has had various valuations and decided who he wants to use. He tells me that he won’t be staying in this country. Currently he is talking about Spain, which was our plan 6 months ago. I am not sure I can join him on that journey any more. Maybe if he does go out there and things are harmonious between us I might visit. I don’t think I would move out there now.stock-vector-hanger-black-icon-vector-illustration-155568137