Taking away the pain

We all have those times when we experience pain, muscular pain, joint discomfort. Some turn the ice packs, others prefer heat treatment. How many of you turn to the tablet form of treatment?

Today I am going to tell you about an alternative treatment. Have you heard of Natraflam?

Natraflam is a natural product using arnica and horse chestnut.

Natraflam is excellent to have at home in your medicine cabinet and first aid kit or in your sports bag for everyday bumps and bruises.

Uses

• Muscle aches and pains;
• Joint injury;
• Joint discomfort/inflammation;
• Neck and back stiffness;
• Post exercise discomfort and recovery;
• Muscle cool down massage;
• Bruising;natraflam
• Ankle swelling;
• Poor circulation in the legs.

Maybe you have heard of Richibrown Cosmetics, Natraflam is a Richibrown product. If you didn’t know John Richardson was rejected by The Dragons of BBC’s Dragons Den. He is now making his fortune selling his products word wide. Those of us working in Lifetree World have the opportunity to purchase these products and now we can also offer them to you.

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Living on the edge

 

I am writing this for myself more than anyone else. I need to work out how I am feeling, why and how to do something about it. I don’t know about anyone else but for me putting it down in words helps me to work things out so this is what I am going to do now.

I am aware that when I am unhappy my family and friends will automatically think that the trouble stems from my marriage. There have been times when this has been the case but not at the moment.

The last few months I have been feeling very lonely, not when I am alone but when I am surrounded by others. This could in part be put down to my poor hearing. I don’t always know what people are talking about, partly because I can’t hear but also because I have noticed an increase in private conversations going on around me. I don’t ask what people are talking about because I figure that if they want me to know then they will tell me. This I think sometimes back fires because they then think I am neither interested nor care about what is going on with other people.

 Now that there are just the two of us at home, there is very rarely any tension where there was a lot in the past. I don’t feel any need to gripe to my friends about my home life. Maybe this is part of my problem, I don’t have much of interest to say, so it’s possible that my friends think I am being aloof. The more I am excluded from conversations the more I draw into myself. I guess this has become a vicious circle. I have been trying to make more effort to be more sociable but still I feel that I am being left out in the cold.

Recently I attended a function where I had an opportunity to catch up with a number of people I hadn’t seen for ages which was really nice. This function involved a sit down meal (which was tasty). I found myself sat between two people I have very little to talk about with. The two people to my right were constantly looking at their phones, I know this was no reflection on me. I was actually pleased that the person on my immediate right did actually talk to me a bit. He is well known for not talking to anyone he doesn’t know well. Where I could hear laughter coming from all the other tables there was none from ours. That isn’t just because I was on that table, there were three people that I could normally have a laugh with, it just didn’t happen. Maybe if I had been drinking more (I had a glass of bubbly on arrival and a glass of red wine with my meal) I might have been jollier. I don’t drink much so when I do it goes straight to my head. Perhaps it was because I had been feeling in very low spirits all week that I wasn’t able to just let go and drink more or enjoy myself better. By 10pm I could easily have just gone home but the taxi I was sharing was booked for midnight. Speeches over I joined everyone in the bar with the dance floor. I found myself sitting on my own, (my choice) just watching everyone else having fun. Several people did try to get me dancing and some of the time I did. Other times I didn’t (something in my head was telling me “if you don’t feel comfortable doing something then don’t do it”).

By the time I got home and my husband asked if I had a good time, I was feeling very unhappy. I tried to identify why I was feeling this way. I don’t blame anyone else it is all down to me. Being on the edge looking in is probably where I normally find myself at functions. It has never bothered me in the past, I am usually quite content to sit watching everyone else having fun. This time though it has got me taking a long hard look at myself, and I don’t like it. It has left me feeling very miserable, and self-conscious. I can’t function properly. My husband has been very understanding and caring for which I am extremely grateful.

I have realised that although I have a sense of humour and love to laugh, one of my favourite sayings is “a day without laughter is a day wasted”. I do find it difficult to let go of my inhibitions and have fun the same way that others do. Is this genetic? Is this because I am so incredibly shy? Most people don’t realise how shy I am. In small groups of two or three I am fine but put me in a larger group I can’t be my usual self(even if that larger group consists of people I get on with in smaller groups). Even when my kids were little I loved being silly and doing daft things with them but couldn’t do it with other kids around. I love being daft and goofing around like the child that my mind still thinks I am so why can’t I be like that with other people around. Why do I always have to behave like a sensible grown up. Why can’t I let go? I am hurting myself with all these thoughts, I am making myself miserable and tearful thinking about what is wrong with me. My self-esteem is rock bottom. Where do I go from here?

I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to be around me when I am not much fun to be around. I know that the general consensus will be that I should talk to my doctor, I don’t want to take any tablets, the last time I went to see my Dr feeling depressed I was offered self-referral telephone counselling. This I would be more likely to take on if they worked outside normal working hours, I don’t believe that they do. I have just decided to contact them anyway. I don’t know what else I can do to get myself out of this misery. I feel like avoiding all contact with people, I know that is not an option and I will do my best to face it. Before this I have found comfort being with people who care about me but I’m not sure that I can face anyone right now.

I hate these feelings of self-pity, I want to get back to being the cheerful positive person that I like to be. The person who no matter what life throws in my direct I can face it head on and deal with it. I am so proud of the fact that whenever I get low, I allow myself 2 or 3 days to wallow then I pick myself up. This time it just isn’t working. Is it because this time the problem is not anyone or anything else it is me myself and I. This time I don’t know how to fix it.

I’m still here

Is it because I am getting older or is it because I am losing weight? It would appear that I have become invisible.

So many people have told me lately that I am shrinking, I have lost a fair amount of weight (the scales don’t agree). Last night I took the plunge and weighed myself (expecting a great result) I was exactly the same as I had been the last time, which was about 6 or 7 weeks ago. The good thing is that my clothes have been getting bigger. Oh and the last time I weighed myself it hadn’t changed in a couple of months either. Are my scales broken?

I am just glad that unlike some of my friends I am not a slave to my scales. They do not tell the whole story on their own. Maybe all the walking I am now doing has changed my fat into muscle so that my body is trimmer than it was but the bulk still weighs the same.

So I am losing body mass but not weight.

Something else I am slowly losing is my eyesight. This does worry me more than my weight. I didn’t need glasses until a few years ago, even when I started wearing glasses I didn’t wear them very much only when I needed to. These days however I find I need to wear them 95% of the time. I have two pairs of glasses (both with reactor light film). I have vari focals for reading and middle distance, plus long distance for driving etc. When I am out doing my catalogues I could easily wear both. I am noticing more and more that my eye sight has got worse over a few short years, Where does that leave me in a few more years? I am grateful that we live in such a beautiful country and I get to see lots of wild birds whilst out walking (I can’t always see what they are though). Over the past few years I had forgotten many of the flowers that I used to grow but now I see them and many others in the gardens that I pass through.

With my love of bright colours I am sure other people will be able to see me even when I can’t see as much as I did.

I have never been able to hear properly, I do have two digital hearing aids but these are only really much use when talking to someone on a one to one basis. Because most of my time I am surrounded by sound, my hearing aids don’t help much as they magnify all sound and I still lose what is being said. I rarely wear them any more. I tried to wear them in the office recently (I didn’t tell anyone) but I couldn’t hear any better so gave up.

All my colleagues and most of my friends know that my hearing is not great. I spend a lot of time asking people to ‘say that again’. I am sure most people have got used to my  blank looks when I have no idea what they have just said to me. Most of the time I figure it out by guessing what the missing words should be. If you imagine a completed jigsaw puzzle with gaps where pieces have got lost. You still have a good idea what the picture is, you just don’t have all the detail. That is what my hearing is like. My main problems come with words like  did/didn’t, have/haven’t could/couldn’t, was/wasn’t. I think this is why I try to enunciate every word clearly and why when I write I do the same. For this reason I don’t think I will ever become a successful writer because I write the way I speak, the way I need other people to speak to me. This is not natural for most people, I find contractions in speech difficult.

More and more I am finding that when people are talking around me I can’t keep up with the conversation so I give up trying and retreat into my own world. Sometimes I find it annoying that people don’t make sure I know what is being said, other times I find it hurtful that conversations are carried out around me knowing that I can’t hear properly, this makes me feel excluded.

I should be used to this feeling of being excluded, it has been happening to me for many years. Yet I still find it hurts. When my boys were growing up and belonged to the local football clubs there were a  lot of family events that my family didn’t get invited to, I assumed that it was because my then husband was very embarrassing, that and our lack of money meant we couldn’t often afford to join in, it would have been nice to be asked though.

Now though I realise that it must be something about me. On the face of it everyone likes me, I am often told I am lovely, that people like me, I get on with most people but I guess I must be kidding myself still.

Yes I am feeling sorry for myself and no that is not part of my normal character,  Yes I am generally a positive happy person, that doesn’t mean I don’t get hurt sometimes.

There are many social events going on that I couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to go to, some I just wouldn’t want to go to. Some I don’t have time to go to. What hurts the most is being kept in the dark.

I feel isolated enough because I can’t hear as well as the rest of you, I understand that you might think I might not be able to go to various events and sometimes I might not be wanted there, but please don’t keep secrets from me.

I might not be the life and soul of the party but it would be nice to be invited sometimes.

Before everyone starts thinking that I want/expect to get invited to everything I don’t. What I object to is the secrecy, not only do I miss out on the event but also the chat about what to wear who is going how every one is getting there and also hearing about it afterwards.

Now I am going to cheer myself up by going out walking with the sun on my face and the breeze in my hair, see the birds flying hither and thither, enjoy the colours of the flowers and forget about everyone else.

On the road again

On Tuesday morning I was resigned to using public transport to get around. Walking up the road I saw the bus that I had failed to catch the previous day. I didn’t mind as I would be going in the opposite direction on this day. Arriving at the bus stop on this cold damp windy morning I checked the bus schedule. Good there should be one at 7.52 and another at 8.02 which would be cutting it fine for me to get to the medical centre for 8.35. Only 12 minutes to wait shivering for my bus, I could do that. I wasn’t looking forward to my fast walk once I got off the bus in the town centre.

By 8.00 I was getting concerned, by 8.05 I gave up and headed back home. I had just reached our gate when I saw my bus floating past the stop where I had been waiting. Well it was too late now. Once inside I phoned for a taxi which arrived just a few minutes later. No sooner was I inside the comfort of the warm taxi, I noticed that the rain had begun.

I was at my appointment at 8.28 so there is no way I would have made it if I had caught the bus. After my appointment I rang for another taxi but had to wait until 9.00. I was at my desk by 9.15, much earlier than if I had caught a bus.

During the day I was wondering how Owl was getting on with charging up the car battery. It was just getting dark when he called and told me that he had not been able to do anything. He believed that the ancient charger he had was not doing the job. With a flash of inspiration I left my office in search of my hero. One of the guys in an office in the same building had charged my car up for me a week or so before. When I found him I asked if I could borrow a charger over night. Which he was happy to do, but suggested I should get a lift home rather than going on the bus with it. When I discovered how heavy it was I knew he was right. One of my colleagues gave me and my charger a lift home in the pouring rain.

Owl put the battery on charge overnight again. The plan being to put it back under the bonnet in the morning. This he did, I had already decided that if it didn’t work I would call a taxi again as I was not enamoured of the idea of carrying that heavy lump of metal and wires to and from the bus. Whilst I was getting myself ready for the day Owl was outside returning the battery to it’s housing. How we cheered when the engine not only turned over but continued to run well. There is no battery light and the dial is showing that the battery is charging as it should.

All is well that ends well and we didn’t have to pay £300+ for a new alternator plus labour to get it fitted. Ok so it took longer but it only cost us £150 with Owl doing it himself.

I had got Owl added to the insurance again last week so now I don’t have to do all the driving any more. I just hope he doesn’t do anything stupid and lose his licence again.

Twittered

I seem to have joined the world of twitter although I don’t have the faintest idea what to tweet or even how. I found Skater much to his disgust so I shall try not to follow him  too closely. I actually opened my twitter account back in 2007 but in some things I am a slow learner.

I shall reserve judgement on the world of twitter until I have got my head around it.

Yesterday’s sore throat has morphed into a cold so I have mostly indulged in a sofa day today, although I did venture out to Asda this afternoon before settling down to watch Polar Express (the first time I have ever managed to stay awake through the whole film. Whilst indulging myself I have been keeping a watchful eye on incoming tweets. I had thought it would be a good idea to follow @mydailyinspiration only to my mind it should be called @myhalfhourlyinspiration. If they keep this up they will become @myhourly irritation. I might have to stop stalking them very soon.

Out of focus

I have noticed recently that my world has been getting out of focus. Not all the time but more and more frequently. I am needing to wear glasses in order to read the tv guide, or any subtitles etc on the television. There have been a couple of occasions when I have been shopping for groceries, walking along the aisles I couldn’t see what was on the shelves either side of me very clearly. I found this quite scary. I also noticed sometimes my colleagues faces were blurred without the help of my glasses.Until recently I had only really been wearing glasses for reading small print and for driving(two different pairs obviously). These days I have to wear them more often.

Today I had an appointment at the opticians. Can you believe that I actually managed to walk past the opticians. I knew my eyesight had got worse but I didn’t realise it had got that bad. It reminded me of the time years ago I was sat in a waiting room at QA hospital. I didn’t hear my name being called for a hearing test!

I’m not sure that I am over enamoured with this getting older lark.

During my appointment today I was asked the question how my health is.

I blandly replied that it is ok, but how do I a lay person define how my health status is?

I have type 2 diabetes controlled with tablets (I don’t monitor my sugar levels) however I have never been hospitalised due to my diabetes.

I am on blood pressure tablets (borderline but on medication because I have diabetes)

I am on a small dose of thyroxine for an underactive thyroid

My knees sometimes hurt

I am overweight which I try to correct but without success.

I don’t feel ill (except that today I have a slight sore throat).

In my mind I have health issues but my general health is ok for someone  my age and weight.

Would my doctor agree?

Would you describe your health as good or bad?

 

Life in a mirror

Recently I did something that I couldn’t believe I was doing. It was a Wednesday evening and I had just arrived at a meeting of the Writers Circle that I now belong to. The meeting hadn’t yet begun, the last few stragglers were taking their seats. It was announced that due to personal reasons our Treasurer was resigning after 15 years. A request was made for a volunteer to take up the mantle.

That was when I heard it. It was my voice, and the words, not unfamiliar, were not what I expected to hear coming from my own mouth.

‘If nobody else wants to do it I will.’

It didn’t make me feel good, I had misgivings about this. Although I had done it before, twenty years ago I was the treasurer of our local Playgroup. I was worried about having other people’s cash in the house whilst we were struggling financially ourselves. Over the last couple of weeks since we sold our car, our own situation has become more relaxed. I began to feel better about my new role.

This weekend I called round to visit my predecessor for the handover of all the Treasurer’s paraphernalia. We chatted for several hours. We didn’t spend much time discussing the Writing group. Instead we talked about our own lives.

I had never imagined that I would meet another person whose life was such a mirror of my own life. She has lived my past, she has lived my current life. She is living my future.

It is strange but the revelations that came about through our conversation are both scary and at the same time comforting.