It’s a waiting game

Mother finally came home on Tuesday 25th January 2022. She had gone for an x-ray on her ankle which turned out to be broken, on Wednesday 17th November 2021. It is taking a bit of getting used to her being home for both of us.

I was told that she would have her lunch before she came home and the carers would be here soon after she arrived. She is due to have 2 carers 4 times a day. Well it seems that she was about to have her lunch when she was whisked away in an ambulance. It took 4 paramedics to get her into the house on a Southampton sling/stretcher. This was at approximately 1.15pm.

We waited for the carers to arrive. Mum was left laying on her back on her new downstairs bed. Giving her a half cup of tea was a bit tricky. She did manage a sandwich. Eventually at 7.20 there was a knock at the door. One! yes just one carer had arrived. I did ask if there was anyone else coming. No he said its just me for the first night. There will be a care manger coming in the morning to do an assessment.

Although he wasn’t able to get her standing so she could use the commode he did get her cleaned up, changed and ready for sleep.

In the morning I got up at 6am not sure what time to expect the morning visit. It was a little after 9am when the care manger arrived to assess mum. One of the many questions she asked was does she need help with laundry, meals etc. She said no, so the next question was who does that for you? I couldn’t help it, the words escaped my mouth… “Her Slave!” Although she laughed she said she couldn’t put that. Anyway, she left and we continued to wait. It was 10.20am by the time the first set of 2 carers arrived. They were both very efficient and within 25 minutes she was up washed, dressed and put in her armchair. She was so pleased to be back in her chair after all this time. She had forgotten how to use the controls.

It was a bit after 12 noon when the next pair arrived. There wasn’t a lot for them to do on this occasion but they were very good with mum and soon had her comfortable. Around 5pm they were back to get her comfortable again. By then we knew what the time slots were.

Morning 7 to 10.30

Lunchtime 11 to 2

teatime 3 to 5.30

Bedtime 6.30 to 10

The carers cannot tell us what time they will arrive.

I quickly gave mum some dinner to make sure she was fed before bedtime whenever that would be.

I was surprised when they were back to put her to bed at 7.30

This morning I was up early again. Mum was quite uncomfortable laying flat on her back. I am unable to get her into a sitting position. If I raise the head of the bed it just pushes her head up which is painful for her. We waited and waited. Eventually I gave her some toast ( no porridge today) as that was possible to eat laying down. I couldn’t even give her a cup of tea. I think maybe a sippy cup might be in the future sooner rather than later.

The carers arrived to get mum up, the same two as yesterday morning, but it was already 10.10am. Again very efficient. However they had been gone less than an hour before the next two carers arrived. 11.20am.

Then we waited until 5.30 before the tea time visit. so this morning there was a wait of just an hour, then a wait of 6 hours before the next visit. Mum has now had her tea and we wait to see what time she wil be going to bed tonight. I hope for her sake it will be a little later.

Having been told that mum would get 2 carers 4 times a day for 6 weeks we are now told it is 14 days. We have a lady from Adult services coming next week. I wonder what will happen then. Even mum has realised that she will now need carers for the rest of her life although she thinks that as she gets stronger she will only need help getting up and washed. I think she will need more than that.

We will see.

Tissue Issue

Ever since I have been doing my mother’s laundry I have complained about her tissue issue.

I have no idea how many times I have emptied the washing machine to find that a tissue had been in among her clothes.

I lost count of the number of times I told her to remove the tissues before putting her clothes in the laundry.

She has now been in hospital since mid November. When I visit her (that has become more difficult this week with the rise in covid). I am given a bag of laundry to take home and wash. Not a problem. The bag of laundry I washed last week included a tissue.

If she is to be believed her tissues get removed and thrown away as soon as she has used them once. The nurses are always trying to tidy up her space.

Either she has been sneaky or the nurses have missed a few tissues.

Yesterday when I did the latest bag of laundry, even though I took each item out of the bag individually she still managed to get a couple of tissues in. Emptying the washing machine there was even more tissue bits all over the floor than normal.

Why oh why does she insist on hiding tissues in her clothing.

Do you know anyone who does this?

This is My Life

In a few months I shall hit that milestone birthday the big Six O. For nearly 40 years I have been running my own household.

For the last 4 weeks my mother has been in hospital with a broken ankle.

I know that being stuck in hospital with not much to do leaves a lot of time to over think things.

When I visited her the other day she asked me how I am coping being on my own running the house. She asks if I have enough money, am I eating enough.

On the radio a little while ago I heard the words of the great Billy Joel. He says exactly how I’m feeling.

This is my life, just leave me alone. For years I have wished that I lived alone. One day that will happen but not until my mother eventually goes into a nursing home.

In the meantime let me enjoy these weeks of living to my own timetable. I can eat what I want when I want. I can do what I want without keeping an eye on the clock (except for visiting time).

I know that no matter my age my mother will always think of me as her little girl. I know how hard it was for her when she thought she would lose me to cancer but that was 20 years ago.

All my life I have felt that my mother is disappointed in me. She says that isn’t so, but it’s how I have felt. It doesn’t help when she talks to me as though I am a child who has to be supervised at all times. I know that isn’t what she thinks.

In hospital she complains to me that the staff talk to the patients as though they are children.

I don’t know how that feels … Much!

Getting everything organised for when my mother comes home has been exhausting, especially as my energy levels are still so very low. I am enjoying being able to pretend that this is my life for a while at least.

All change

So much is going on. I don’t have the time or energy to process it all just yet.

Know that I am relatively OK. I will check back in when everything has settled down a bit.

Mother’s MS has progressed

Mother has broken her ankle currently in hospital

Rearranging house so that Mother has her bedroom downstairs

Everything else is just life as normal squeezed into the gaps between hospital visits etc

Wendy

During my teenage years I lived with my family in the town of Tonbridge in Kent. I attended Hugh Christie Secondary school. The most famous pupil at my school was Dame Kelly Holmes (after I had left).

Today another girl from my school has been in the national news but not for a good reason. Wendy Knell was one of my class mates. I wouldn’t say we were best friends but we were friends whilst we were at school.

In my early twenties I lived in s bedsit in the nearby town of Tunbridge Wells along with the man who later became my husband and father of my children.

Unbeknown to me at the time my friend Wendy was also living in a bedsit in Tunbridge Wells. I don’t remember it being in the news at the time but at some point I learnt that Wendy had been murdered. The killer was never found.

Today though it has been announced that the man who murdered Wendy and another girl who I didn’t know has been charged. The same man has been charged with sexually assaulting the dead bodies of women in the hospital mortuary.

It won’t bring Wendy back but at least her family can now have closure.

Also in the news today Cervical Cancer in young women is much reduced since the introduction of the vaccine.

It was obviously too late for me. I had treatment for stage three cervical cancer about 8 years before the vaccine went live in UK.

I am so pleased that the majority of girls who might have developed cervical cancer are now being saved from what I went through.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

Tomorrow we are expecting a visit from a local specialist MS nurse to assess my mother’s current condition and give us help and advice to make life easier for both of us.

Butterflies and other things

My mind has been in a fog since leaving hospital and possibly even before my hospital stay to a certain extent.

Everyday life I can cope with but anything requiring concentration or exercising my brain has become beyond me. Simple technology that I have done many times before has become overwhelming. I’m not enjoying this phase in my life. I hope it doesn’t last too much longer.

One thing I am enjoying is watching the wildlife from our window. Yesterday early evening we had a visit from a very large hedgehog. He came and had a long drink from the dogs bowl before wandering off again.

This morning, I am enjoying watching the red admiral butterflies feeding on the buddleia flowers. Basking in the sunshine after all the recent rain. I did a Google search to confirm what I thought I knew. Butterflies flap their wings whilst stationary to keep their muscles warm. I noticed one of the suggested search questions was to my surprise. (I would never thought to ask this).

Do butterflies fart?

Apparently yes they do. All creatures fart. That’s reassuring to know. Maybe I don’t need to feel embarrassed when it happens to me. It also says that Monarch butterflies are the kings of farting.

We have been trying to find a new gardener to replace my friend’s husband who has been working on mum’s garden for a number of years. He has had to stop for a number of reasons. Not least that he has moved to another part of the country.

With all the rain and sun we have had in recent weeks the garden has gone beserk. Mum did find a gardener. He came one Saturday morning for a few hours. He made a plan for what would need doing the next time. It has now been 5 or 6 weeks since he was here. The garden is growing at a far faster rate than most years. After an initial email apologising for not turning up (we don’t have a phone number). He hasn’t responded to any further messages.

Last week I was given a recommendation by a friend. I contacted the new possible gardener who said he could come on Sunday to have a look. Sunday Evening he apologised for not arriving but would come on Monday after 5pm.

By 6.30 still no sign so I contacted him. He again apologised. He could come today. I have rescheduled him for Friday as today and tomorrow our road is supposed to be closed for resurfacing work. Guess what the resurfacing isn’t happening. It might be tomorrow though!

I will believe it when I see it.

When will it end?

What with all my poor health of late. I just wonder what life has in store.

I have numerous friends dealing with horrific health problems. No I’m not the only one.

Then last week my gorgeous, smart, loving daughter in law had surgery last week for an ectopic pregnancy. That would be bad enough but this was the second in under a year. Making this not only a tradgedy in itself but life changing for her and her little family. She so wanted a second child.

Several months ago I learnt that my best friend from school had lung cancer. If that wasn’t bad enough her brother died of covid at the start of the year. My friend and I had lost touch for a number of years when our children were young. In those days there were no mobile phones and no internet. I found her again through Facebook about 8 years ago.

We both had busy lives and always promised we would meet up again at some point. I had moved away from the area 33 years ago. Our communication was intermittent but we were still in each others thoughts. During one of our more recent communications I had promised that providing I was well enough I would make the effort to go and see her this summer.

Unfortunately it is now too late. My dear friend passed away peacefully yesterday morning.

Why is it that the good people in this life have to suffer so much.

Taking longer than I expected

It has been 12 days now since I came home from hospital. I knew that I had become very weak during my time in hospital. I did think that after a few days at home would feel more or less back to normal. After all I didn’t have any surgery this time. I was treated with intravenous antibiotics.

I am gradually managing to do slightly more each day but I wasn’t prepared for how washed out and frail I would still be feeling at this point.

I am still sleeping a lot. I’m nolonger in excruciating pain but still have some discomfort.

Apart from the extreme pain I experienced at the start of my hospital stay I had a complete week in stress from having awful diarrhea all day every day. I feel let down by the hospital because no matter how many times I asked for something to stop the diarrhea I wasn’t given anything. The diarrhea I was having was instantaneous. I didn’t have any warning. Thus in itself was stressful. Rushing to the toilet up to 30 times in one day. The frequency of bed changes that I needed. The knowledge that the staff were really busy and didn’t need. That extra work also played on my mind.

Once I was home again I took an imodium and another the next morning. Voila no more diarrhea until today. It is very draining when my body behaves this way. So I shouldn’t really be surprised that I have no energy.

I am taking iron tablets and using vitamin b12 patches so hopefully I shall start feeling more myself soon.

I’m home

After 11 stressful days in hospital I am back home. I still have my appendix in situ but have to have it removed at some point in the not too distant future.

I am currently feeling relieved to be home but very fragile and weak. I need to be kind to myself and give my body time to recover from everything it has been through.

I also need to get my head into the right space before normal service can resume.

Weighing up the risks

I have been in hospital since Monday morning. (My first ever trip in an ambulance).

I have appendicitis. I have been in incredible pain since Saturday morning. Normally I would have had my appendix out days ago. I’m a complicated case. Taking Ng out my appendix is a risk of damage to other organs.

The dr keeps telling me every day that my blood tests show I am getting better with antibiotics. I keep telling him I am not getting any better. The pain is still just as bad.

Another Dr has just gone to look at the scan I had earlier. Hopefully they can then come up with a plan.