Fractured not broken

The other night and it was at night I wrote a post about waiting. I wrote it because I had been reading Abbie Greaves book The end of the Earth. It had taken me back to when I was a young adult. I couldn’t sleep because of the thoughts going round and round in my head. Once I had written it and I apologise I didn’t read it through so there are bound to be errors.

One of my new blogging friends Bitchy after 60 commented that with everything I have been through it would have broken most people.

That post only scratched the surface of what my life has been like in the last 50+ years. I’m not broken yet. I have many emotional fractures and my body is falling apart but nothing has broken me yet.

Last night mother asked if I had experienced depression or anxiety in the last year. The question was in relation to the covid-19 pandemic. The answer is no. I am lucky to have technology that has allowed me to keep in contact with family and friends. I could also order whatever I needed online. I also have plenty to keep me occupied. My garden, reading, knitting etc.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced anxiety or feeling in low spirits. I have but more in respect of my health than the pandemic.

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Besotted granny

One of my friends has joined the besotted granny brigade. Her granddaughter is 4 months old and she is so in love with her.

For years I said I wasn’t ready to become a granny. I hadn’t finished being a mother. Then a few years ago I started to worry about my health etc, that was when it hit me that if my sons didn’t hurry up and start having children I would be to old/ill to enjoy them.

Three years ago I became a granny for the first time. I instantly fell in love with my grandson. Teddy is three now. I was afraid that he wouldn’t know who I am what with covid restrictions and them living in London. Video calls were me watching him play whilst I chatted to his daddy. The other week when lockdown rules were eased I got to spend time with him in the garden (very cold). Then last week on his birthday we had a video call where he actually talked to me. He showed me his toys and books. Today we had another video call with him interacting with me. He knows that I am granny. I love this new stage in our relationship.

19 months ago my eldest son provided me with a granddaughter. After 4 sons and a grandson I was delighted to finally have a girl in the family. She has always been used to video calling with her other family and with me so she has always been interactive. When she visited our garden the other week she would take gammy by the hand to look at things or fill her little watering can.

We also had a video call today. She tells me lots of things that I don’t always understand but her speech is coming along well.

This granny is besotted with both my grandchildren.

Elbow bumps, why?

On and off since March 2020 I have wondered about this. Why do they do it? I understand that the advice is not to shake hands in greetings. What I don’t understand and it’s often politicians that I see on TV doing this, is why the elbow bumps? For a start they have to get much closer together in order to do this.

Wouldn’t it be better to not have physical contact. After all we are meant to be keeping space between us. If they can’t bear to forego physical contact then for heaven’s sake wear gloves and have a handshake. No skin on skin contact and not such close proximity.

Insisting on this elbow bumping ( often looking awkward) is not clever. It doesn’t protect them from catching covid-19. I know that it is considered polite in the civil world to shake hands but couldn’t do that for the past year. Considering the social distancing, face coverings we have all become accustomed to is it not possible that these politicians and other business people/ celebrities could just not do anything.

If elbow bumps are permitted then why is hugging not?

Please could someone explain to me why I can’t hug my family but these people can bump elbows.

We are gradually coming out of lockdown here in UK. Will this habit continue or will handshakes resume?

Reaching the Summit

Yesterday we had a visit from a specialist nurse. She came to assess how mother manages in the house and see what help she could give. Another grab rail will soon be installed.

Mother has been shown better ways of getting in and out of bed and her armchair. She has been forbidden from using the riser function of her chair. If she can do the exercises she has been given she will have more strength in her legs. This will make her less dependent on me which will be good for both of us.

Today I was out of the house for much longer than on any day since my surgery in August. I attended a mini socially distanced online training summit. It was a big occasion for me. Partly by managing to be away from home for more than just one or two hours at a time. Also for socially distanced spending time with friends that I haven’t seen for almost 18 months.

Whilst there I took a phone call from a ‘private number’ which turned out to be one of the drs at our surgery. She had the results of the blood test I had on Wednesday. Apparently I am anaemic again which explains my low energy levels recently. She has read the letter I had sent a few weeks ago. I was then grilled about my bowel problems. She is recommending that I am seen by a gastroenterologist urgently.

I am glad that my problems are being dealt with. However I am trying not to think about what this entails.

Mother survived her day at home alone. I made her lunch before I went out. She tells me that she has done her exercises. Perhaps in the not too distant future we will both be physically better off.

Granny train

We had visitors today. It’s the first day of the new lockdown easing. My grandson brought his parents to visit us. The last time we saw them was last July when the schools broke up. (His mummy is a teacher).

When Teddy was born I busted them in London every 6 to 8 weeks staying in their flat for a weekend. I wanted to be sure that my grandson knew his Granny. Just before his first birthday I became ill, not leaving the house for 6 weeks. It took a while before I was strong enough to make the two hour journey. The last time I visited them was last February.

Obviously with Lockdown we all missed his birthday at the end of April. When they came to visit in July he was not much over 2 and hadn’t seen me very much since Christmas. He was very shy. I was still waiting for my surgery and my health was not great so I couldn’t do much except watching the little boy playing in the garden.

Now he is almost three. I worry that I am a stranger to him. He did talk to me on a video call at Easter which was brilliant. Usually I end up talking to his daddy and watching him play.

Today my heart is overflowing with live for this little boy ( my first grandchild). This small child isn’t interested in any soft toys what he likes are vehicles. Any vehicle, trains, cars, planes, boats or buses. So that he wouldn’t be bored being here we let him have his birthday presents. His Great Grannie had given him an action man with some extra clothes. Teddy found this rather curious but he politely said thank you.

Next he opened the big box covered in football wrapping paper. Inside the box was a big yellow transporter truck and five smaller trucks. Cement mixer, tipper truck crane and so on. He delighted in insisting that Granny have races with him. At first I thought he wanted me to run around the garden. I soon discovered that we were to race the trucks down the wooden slope from the decking towards the lawn.

More than anything (even the peppa pig ice cream) the thing that he enjoyed the most was the trains that pass the end of the garden every 10 minutes or less. Whatever he was doing he would run to me. “Granny train, super fast train. Yellow, red, green, blue”

For a little boy who loves vehicles, seeing real trains so close and so often. (Three different train companies). I am sure was pure heaven for him.

For me it was wonderful to watch his enthusiasm and know that he wanted to include me, his Granny, in everything he did.

We had to water the garden. I wasn’t sure his little hands would manage to squeeze the handle. I especially loved it when he handed it to his mummy to water one of the pots. Telling her once she had done it. “Well done”.

They have gone now, staying in an Airbnb a few miles away. In the morning they are meeting Grandpa at the beach to walk Grandpa’s dog. Before meeting up with me and his cousin who is bringing her parents to see us.

I am looking forward to seeing my two grandchildren together tomorrow.

Considering the wintery weather this morning we were lucky that whilst not warm it was not too unpleasant to be visiting outside.

It’s my birthday

This is my second lockdown birthday. My third non birthday in consecutive years. Tomorrow some of the lockdown restriction are being eased. A day late for my birthday. However we are having a family get together on Tuesday at a near by play area so that we can be outdoors and let my two grandchildren play. It will be interesting to see what they make of each other. My grandson will be 3 later this month and my granddaughter 18 months. With this pandemic they have not had much opportunity to meet. The last time I saw them both at once was our family christmas meal 2019. When my granddaughter was just 3 months old and slept most of the time.

This morning I have received many birthday wishes including one from an old friend I hadn’t spoken to for a number of years. We have had a long chat on the phone catching up with the changes in both our lives. I also had a video call with my granddaughter and her daddy. I can’t wait to see her on Tuesday.

Otherwise the day is not much different to any other day. I have been working on my new Avon Blog. I am treating us to some cider to have with dinner tonight.

Something I’ve wanted to do

This is something I have wanted to do for ages. Probably the last couple of years. I have gone as far as starting a new template a couple of times but found that starting a new blog is harder now than it was years ago when I began blogging. There are so many templates to choose from. The widgets and plugins are a minefield. Earlier this week I decided to alter a blog that I had started perhaps 5 years ago with my husband. It never really got off the ground. Trying to work full time and run a business at the same time as creating posts for a new blog became overwhelming.

Now though I have more time. I have converted my old blog to one dedicated to my Avon Business and Sunshine Team. I have over the last few days added a few posts for different products. I am also creating a new page for each group of products with links to individual product posts. There are links to my online shop and I shall be adding a link for joining my team.

Elliesdeals

On another note. I had visitors yesterday. No I’m not talking about birds or squirrels or even cats. My youngest son and his g/f. came to see us. Sitting at a distance and with face masks. The last time my son visited, He only lives 20 minutes away by car. Was back in July before my hospital stay. It was so nice to see them. Apparently it was very odd being on a train again after all these months. Sitting chatting felt almost like normal times.

Next week ( just after my birthday) I shall hopefully, providing that everything goes to plan. See my older boys and their families. I am so looking forward to seeing everyone. We are meeting at a local play area near the creek. The last time I saw both my grandchildren at the same time, was our family Christmas dinner 2019, when my granddaughter was 3 months old.

I just hope the weather is better than it has been the last few days. We even had a few snow flurries yesterday. Very unusual for here.

Today I am grateful

I feel as though I have been moaning about my lot in life quite a lot lately. So I have decided to think about the things I am grateful for.

  1. My family
  2. I will soon be able to spend time with my family again.
  3. Sunshine
  4. Having a garden
  5. The ability to bring life into our garden
  6. The wildlife that I get to see from my armchair
  7. Living near to various beaches
  8. Avon – my sanity
  9. Knitting
  10. Reading
  11. Technology – video calls
  12. Technology – research and talk to others with my health issues
  13. A roof over my head
  14. Enough food to eat (even with an unconventional diet).
  15. Being single
  16. Friends
  17. Independence
  18. Sense of humour
  19. Love of colour
  20. BEING ALIVE

Monday again

Not a lot has happened today except that we had visitors. It wasn’t family or friends. We were not having an illegal gathering. It was simply time for mother to have her eyes tested. Because she isn’t able to go to the store very easily they come to us. All kitted out with masks, gloves and plastic aprons. To go to the kitchen instead of trying to get past the two ladies I went out through the patio doors and back through the backdoor, returning the same way in reverse.

The squirrels are very conspicuous by their absence. I did see Roger for a while this afternoon though. Last week there was a tree surgeon working two doors down. I can only think it has made the usual route along the tree line a little more difficult for them. Maybe they don’t like that I have been making them work harder for the nuts. There is currently a stack of three pots with a lid placed on top. It isn’t secured just resting there. Roger didn’t even bother to investigate.

I went out straight after lunch to pick up my Avon books. That gave me a few more orders to add to my account. My little team is slowly growing. I have been trying to find some blank cards preferably with with an image of a sun. Some time ago I chose to call my Avon team my Sunshine Team. I have been thinking that it would be nice to have something with a sun on it, to send with a welcome message, when a new recruit joins my team. This afternoon I have designed my own cards which I should receive on Friday.

My first batch of seedlings are growing well. If the weather is right I shall start sewing seeds and seedlings in the garden in the next few days. Some of my polyanthas are starting to bloom. I do believe spring is upon us now.

Funny old day

The sun has been shining and there is a feel of spring in the air. The first of my seedlings are sprouting. The magnolia is coming out in bloom.

I didn’t get around to topping up the bird food until lunchtime. I have given the squirrels a new conundrum. This time it’s three pots one inside the next. Only one squirrel has been interested. He knocked it over and devoured the nuts from the smallest pot. That’s all he managed. Mind you he was chased away by a local cat. I’ve not seen that before.

I’ve been out with more Avon books. That’s all my regular customers now so next week I shall start canvassing for new customers.

I was feeling a bit down this afternoon. No particular reason I just didn’t feel myself. I am surprised that I was feeling this way. The sunny day combined with the obvious signs of spring would normally make me feel good.