It’s a waiting game

Mother finally came home on Tuesday 25th January 2022. She had gone for an x-ray on her ankle which turned out to be broken, on Wednesday 17th November 2021. It is taking a bit of getting used to her being home for both of us.

I was told that she would have her lunch before she came home and the carers would be here soon after she arrived. She is due to have 2 carers 4 times a day. Well it seems that she was about to have her lunch when she was whisked away in an ambulance. It took 4 paramedics to get her into the house on a Southampton sling/stretcher. This was at approximately 1.15pm.

We waited for the carers to arrive. Mum was left laying on her back on her new downstairs bed. Giving her a half cup of tea was a bit tricky. She did manage a sandwich. Eventually at 7.20 there was a knock at the door. One! yes just one carer had arrived. I did ask if there was anyone else coming. No he said its just me for the first night. There will be a care manger coming in the morning to do an assessment.

Although he wasn’t able to get her standing so she could use the commode he did get her cleaned up, changed and ready for sleep.

In the morning I got up at 6am not sure what time to expect the morning visit. It was a little after 9am when the care manger arrived to assess mum. One of the many questions she asked was does she need help with laundry, meals etc. She said no, so the next question was who does that for you? I couldn’t help it, the words escaped my mouth… “Her Slave!” Although she laughed she said she couldn’t put that. Anyway, she left and we continued to wait. It was 10.20am by the time the first set of 2 carers arrived. They were both very efficient and within 25 minutes she was up washed, dressed and put in her armchair. She was so pleased to be back in her chair after all this time. She had forgotten how to use the controls.

It was a bit after 12 noon when the next pair arrived. There wasn’t a lot for them to do on this occasion but they were very good with mum and soon had her comfortable. Around 5pm they were back to get her comfortable again. By then we knew what the time slots were.

Morning 7 to 10.30

Lunchtime 11 to 2

teatime 3 to 5.30

Bedtime 6.30 to 10

The carers cannot tell us what time they will arrive.

I quickly gave mum some dinner to make sure she was fed before bedtime whenever that would be.

I was surprised when they were back to put her to bed at 7.30

This morning I was up early again. Mum was quite uncomfortable laying flat on her back. I am unable to get her into a sitting position. If I raise the head of the bed it just pushes her head up which is painful for her. We waited and waited. Eventually I gave her some toast ( no porridge today) as that was possible to eat laying down. I couldn’t even give her a cup of tea. I think maybe a sippy cup might be in the future sooner rather than later.

The carers arrived to get mum up, the same two as yesterday morning, but it was already 10.10am. Again very efficient. However they had been gone less than an hour before the next two carers arrived. 11.20am.

Then we waited until 5.30 before the tea time visit. so this morning there was a wait of just an hour, then a wait of 6 hours before the next visit. Mum has now had her tea and we wait to see what time she wil be going to bed tonight. I hope for her sake it will be a little later.

Having been told that mum would get 2 carers 4 times a day for 6 weeks we are now told it is 14 days. We have a lady from Adult services coming next week. I wonder what will happen then. Even mum has realised that she will now need carers for the rest of her life although she thinks that as she gets stronger she will only need help getting up and washed. I think she will need more than that.

We will see.

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How have I come to this?

This afternoon I need to drive to the other side of Southampton for a covid test. I haven’t been that way for years. I know the way to where I need to be. It is only 20 miles each way.

There are roadworks most of the way from here to there. Those who think they know best are turning our motorway into a “smart motorway”. The rest of us think it’s a waste of time energy and money not to mention unsafe. I am going to give myself an hour to get there just in case of delays.

Even just a few years ago I would have thought nothing of doing this journey. I enjoyed driving and often made journeys of several hundred miles. Now I am feeling anxious about it.

When did I change. Has my joy of driving stopped suddenly or has it crept up on me slowly?

Since having this new car I have only stayed local. Maybe going a bit further today will help. I have been driving automatic cars for a few years but this one is manual. I had forgotten how often you have to change gear when driving around town. Perhaps driving along the motorway will help. Either way it isn’t going to stop me going to other places when required, it just might need more mental preparation.

Not on my neck!

I missed the start of the item on the news so I only caught the end of it. A lady was speaking about not wearing polo neck jumpers. It was something about her neck. At first I thought she had had her thyroid removed. As the news item continued I became confused. The journalist was talking about domestic violence.

I have never claimed to be a victim of domestic violence. I was a victim of emotional abuse/coercive control. However during our divorce, (a time when we still lived in the same house for 7 excruciating months). He thought it was funny to put his hands around my neck on an almost daily occurrence. He didn’t use pressure, he never left any marks.

He was aware that I didn’t like anything around my neck so he used it as a form of mental torture.

I hadn’t given it much thought in the last 15 years but having said that it does limit my choice in clothing. I can’t wear anything with a high neckline. Anything that is anywhere near my neck and I start to panic.

15 years later we are friends now. It helps having two grandchildren in common. He was here (as our support bubble) for coffee and a chat this morning. We don’t talk about the bad times. However I don’t think I will ever wear a high necked top/jumper again. Just thinking about it gives me the shivers.

FEAR

I have recently been following The Hot Goddess. In truth she started following me first. The last post I read was about fear. It got me thinking about fear too. She talked about her fear of heights and her drive along a road in Montana that scared the life out of her, it reminded me of the trip I made on my honeymoon with second husband. Here

I personally don’t have a fear of heights but that doesn’t mean I am not fearless in certain situations. I really don’t think I would be able to go on any of those glass walkways at various landmarks. I don’t take risks, I will look over the side of a cliff but from a safe distance. I do have a fear of rodents of any kind, yet I am fine with spiders.

Are you aware that there are two very different definitions of FEAR.

Forget Everything And Run which I guess is the more common reaction to fear.

Then there is

Face Everything And Rise

I do try to go with the second definition but that doesn’t always work. For many years I would do anything to avoid rollercoasters. After I recovered from my /cancer treatment I decided that I needed to learn to live life not just let life pass me by. On a trip to Belgium with my #2 son’s football team I went on my first rollercoaster at a water park we visited. I actually enjoyed that.

Being an introvert it is not easy for me to approach strangers. Joining Avon has helped me with that. I can’t always do it but I am getting better at talking to people I don’t know. Either to ask if they would be interested in becoming a customer or a Rep or just for a chat about anything.

In 2019 my #2 son was getting married and asked me to do a reading at the wedding. I’m ok talking to 2 or 3 people but a gathering of 6 or more leaves me feeling extremely red in the face with my eyes watering. It really isn’t something I enjoy. So imagine how I felt being asked to read to 100+ people mostly strangers to me. I did it though and I am very proud of myself.

More recently I had to face my fears on medical grounds. I was facing major surgery which terrified me. It wasn’t the operation that scared me but the waking up and recovery together with the change in my life that was that I feared. Each time I was given a date for surgery I bravely psyched myself up it was cancelled. Third time lucky. I tried not to think about it until I had no choice. I just had to get on with it. Last week I had to face my fear of needles. I kept myself busy until half an hour before my appointment. What made it worse for me was that on arrival I had to join a long queue. If I could have just gone straight in and got it over with that would have helped. However I held on to my courage and gradually moved ever nearer to the dreaded needle.

What has you trembling with fear? Do you face it or do you run?