Taking away the pain

We all have those times when we experience pain, muscular pain, joint discomfort. Some turn the ice packs, others prefer heat treatment. How many of you turn to the tablet form of treatment?

Today I am going to tell you about an alternative treatment. Have you heard of Natraflam?

Natraflam is a natural product using arnica and horse chestnut.

Natraflam is excellent to have at home in your medicine cabinet and first aid kit or in your sports bag for everyday bumps and bruises.

Uses

• Muscle aches and pains;
• Joint injury;
• Joint discomfort/inflammation;
• Neck and back stiffness;
• Post exercise discomfort and recovery;
• Muscle cool down massage;
• Bruising;natraflam
• Ankle swelling;
• Poor circulation in the legs.

Maybe you have heard of Richibrown Cosmetics, Natraflam is a Richibrown product. If you didn’t know John Richardson was rejected by The Dragons of BBC’s Dragons Den. He is now making his fortune selling his products word wide. Those of us working in Lifetree World have the opportunity to purchase these products and now we can also offer them to you.

Lifetree world

So it has been a few months since my last blog. I have been busy, my work has become more involved. I am also working two businesses outside my day job. I think I have mentioned before that along with my husband we are building our Kleeneze business.

Back in May 2016 I joined a new networking Company. Lifetree World. Some people have been putting out negative information, rumours and tittle tattle about the Company. Only a few days ago I was told by someone I know that Lifetree World is going into liquidation, I should google it. I did (knowing this was not true). I did find an article on google about Lifetree World going into liquidation but this was years back (2012). Considering that our Company only began at the start of 2015 I have no idea what that was about.

Since joining LTW in May the Company has evolved and continues to evolve. The opportunities for those who wish to be a part of this growing business are enormous. This business is open to residents of UK and N.I, as from 1st October this will also be available to residents of Southern Ireland.

We now offer Services like TV, phone and broadband bundles, Commercial Gas and Electricity. Card payment terminals. We have the Richibrown Cosmetics.

Putting all these things aside, there are other benefits to joining this Company, great friendships are made. The support is undeniable. There are constant training opportunities.

I am not telling you to join us, I am telling you that if you are looking for a way to improve your life and that of your family, if you are willing to work hard, you could think about joining us.

Please feel free to comment

 

 

My Decision

My Decision

This morning I read a status on Facebook which reminded me of piece I wrote about 7 years ago following my divorce from “The other parent”. Life has moved on since then and I am now remarried. My sons have all left home and gone to university. The two eldest have graduated and live in London with their girlfriends. Third son has just graduated and will be doing a masters in September and youngest has just completed his first year of Uni.

For me the healing process is still ongoing but I have come a long way in the last 9 years.

MY DECISION It has been a couple of years now and I don’t have any regrets.

Some time ago, I think it was the middle of last summer my mother asked the question.

‘If you had known how hard it was going to be would you still have done it?’

I consider this carefully before replying. I am not sure why as I knew the answer, there was never any doubt in my mind.

‘Yes most definitely, it was the best thing I could have done.’

Indeed it was the only thing I could have done. I had given it my best shot. 19 years of my life I had given to that man. But the day had come when I realised that enough was enough. He couldn’t understand it when I told him I didn’t want to continue living with him. He couldn’t work out what was wrong with me. We had a good marriage didn’t we, we never argued did we? He was right in a way, as until the last few months we had very rarely had a row.

Firstly he was never around to have a row with as he was always either at work, pub or asleep. (the perfect marriage in some ways). Secondly we never rowed because, when he was around he made me feel so useless and weak that I never dared to argue with him and on the occasions when I tried to vent my anger on him he would turn it around to be my fault. Like the many Saturday mornings when he came home from shopping. (I wasn’t allowed to shop I spent too much, whereas he always bought bargains – you know the deals where if you buy this you get that free or the end of date things). We had a freezer full of things we would never use and a fridge full of things that had to be eaten in one day but nothing for the rest of the week.

He often came in with a mood on, this would make me grumpy, (no one likes to be moaned at for no reason). Because I was now grumpy he would complain about my mood and stomp off to the pub.

During all these years he would tell me that I was ‘fat, ugly, useless with a brain like a sieve’

Now after so many years of being told this it becomes hard to believe otherwise.

I believe that if you get married you should try to make the marriage work. I was not going to give up easily. I had to try to make it work. Besides I had nowhere to go and 4 children to consider. Because I had done such a good job of trying to make our marriage work he had no idea that it wasn’t working. The end of our marriage came as a big shock to him. For me it never really was a marriage. I had never been in love with him. We had never courted as such, just fell into a relationship as when we met we were both getting over broken hearts and needed someone to turn to. If I hadn’t got pregnant the marriage would never have happened.

Now, though we are divorced and I have never been happier. Financially we were never really solvent as a couple. Does anyone know a solvent alcoholic? But we did have two wages coming in, his full time wage and my part time wage (part time!! I worked longer hours than he did for half the money). Now it is just me and the boys, I am the only one bringing any money into the home. It has been a struggle and there are days when we have to keep our coats on because it’s too darn cold and I don’t have any spare cash to buy gas. (Yes I have had to get a key meter for both the gas and electricity). There are days when we have just 2 slices of bread and no milk. But we manage, I have not killed any of them off yet.

Are we better off now? Financially no we are worse off but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it isn’t going to be like this forever and now that I have a full time job that I enjoy things can only get better. However we as a family unit are much happier. Gone are the days of dreading the door opening, wondering if he is in one of his soppy drunk moods or in a nasty bad tempered mood that has everyone either cowering behind a cushion or hiding away in the bedrooms. Gone are the days where everyone had to be silent or risk his bellow of ‘Stop that noise’ or ‘be quiet’ In the past two years there has very rarely been a cross word spoke between any of the five of us. It took me a few months to realise that he was never going to be here again chastising me for staying up late or reading when I should be doing something else. I can have friends here if I choose. (visitors were forbidden when he was here).

Our house rings with the sound of music (not always to my taste, teenagers!!) and laughter where before there was only silence broken by shouts of ‘silence’. There is an air of confidence about us all that was not there before. I have learnt that I am worth so much more than I ever knew. I am happy, I laugh, I joke, I feel sexy, I feel worthy, I have finally come to love the person I am.

Living on the edge

 

I am writing this for myself more than anyone else. I need to work out how I am feeling, why and how to do something about it. I don’t know about anyone else but for me putting it down in words helps me to work things out so this is what I am going to do now.

I am aware that when I am unhappy my family and friends will automatically think that the trouble stems from my marriage. There have been times when this has been the case but not at the moment.

The last few months I have been feeling very lonely, not when I am alone but when I am surrounded by others. This could in part be put down to my poor hearing. I don’t always know what people are talking about, partly because I can’t hear but also because I have noticed an increase in private conversations going on around me. I don’t ask what people are talking about because I figure that if they want me to know then they will tell me. This I think sometimes back fires because they then think I am neither interested nor care about what is going on with other people.

 Now that there are just the two of us at home, there is very rarely any tension where there was a lot in the past. I don’t feel any need to gripe to my friends about my home life. Maybe this is part of my problem, I don’t have much of interest to say, so it’s possible that my friends think I am being aloof. The more I am excluded from conversations the more I draw into myself. I guess this has become a vicious circle. I have been trying to make more effort to be more sociable but still I feel that I am being left out in the cold.

Recently I attended a function where I had an opportunity to catch up with a number of people I hadn’t seen for ages which was really nice. This function involved a sit down meal (which was tasty). I found myself sat between two people I have very little to talk about with. The two people to my right were constantly looking at their phones, I know this was no reflection on me. I was actually pleased that the person on my immediate right did actually talk to me a bit. He is well known for not talking to anyone he doesn’t know well. Where I could hear laughter coming from all the other tables there was none from ours. That isn’t just because I was on that table, there were three people that I could normally have a laugh with, it just didn’t happen. Maybe if I had been drinking more (I had a glass of bubbly on arrival and a glass of red wine with my meal) I might have been jollier. I don’t drink much so when I do it goes straight to my head. Perhaps it was because I had been feeling in very low spirits all week that I wasn’t able to just let go and drink more or enjoy myself better. By 10pm I could easily have just gone home but the taxi I was sharing was booked for midnight. Speeches over I joined everyone in the bar with the dance floor. I found myself sitting on my own, (my choice) just watching everyone else having fun. Several people did try to get me dancing and some of the time I did. Other times I didn’t (something in my head was telling me “if you don’t feel comfortable doing something then don’t do it”).

By the time I got home and my husband asked if I had a good time, I was feeling very unhappy. I tried to identify why I was feeling this way. I don’t blame anyone else it is all down to me. Being on the edge looking in is probably where I normally find myself at functions. It has never bothered me in the past, I am usually quite content to sit watching everyone else having fun. This time though it has got me taking a long hard look at myself, and I don’t like it. It has left me feeling very miserable, and self-conscious. I can’t function properly. My husband has been very understanding and caring for which I am extremely grateful.

I have realised that although I have a sense of humour and love to laugh, one of my favourite sayings is “a day without laughter is a day wasted”. I do find it difficult to let go of my inhibitions and have fun the same way that others do. Is this genetic? Is this because I am so incredibly shy? Most people don’t realise how shy I am. In small groups of two or three I am fine but put me in a larger group I can’t be my usual self(even if that larger group consists of people I get on with in smaller groups). Even when my kids were little I loved being silly and doing daft things with them but couldn’t do it with other kids around. I love being daft and goofing around like the child that my mind still thinks I am so why can’t I be like that with other people around. Why do I always have to behave like a sensible grown up. Why can’t I let go? I am hurting myself with all these thoughts, I am making myself miserable and tearful thinking about what is wrong with me. My self-esteem is rock bottom. Where do I go from here?

I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to be around me when I am not much fun to be around. I know that the general consensus will be that I should talk to my doctor, I don’t want to take any tablets, the last time I went to see my Dr feeling depressed I was offered self-referral telephone counselling. This I would be more likely to take on if they worked outside normal working hours, I don’t believe that they do. I have just decided to contact them anyway. I don’t know what else I can do to get myself out of this misery. I feel like avoiding all contact with people, I know that is not an option and I will do my best to face it. Before this I have found comfort being with people who care about me but I’m not sure that I can face anyone right now.

I hate these feelings of self-pity, I want to get back to being the cheerful positive person that I like to be. The person who no matter what life throws in my direct I can face it head on and deal with it. I am so proud of the fact that whenever I get low, I allow myself 2 or 3 days to wallow then I pick myself up. This time it just isn’t working. Is it because this time the problem is not anyone or anything else it is me myself and I. This time I don’t know how to fix it.

A haven of mauve

It has taken months of planning, then forgetting then more planning but today we did it. We finally got there. I had planned to be slightly early but after going out delivering catalogues for an hour, which turned into 75 minutes, I had arrived home, beetroot coloured, my hair a tangled mess from being blown about in the light breeze, my legs quivering from the walking around roads that are anything but flat, lugging a very heavy trolley behind me. Today’s catalogue packs were thick and heavy, giving a very satisfying thud as they landed, having been pushed through the many letterboxes.

A quick freshen up and I was ready to leave, still glowing from my earlier exertions, I drove with the windows down, confident that I would have cooled down by the time I arrived. It didn’t take long to get there, we had chosen our venue so that none of us had too far to travel. Having found a shaded parking space I found my way to the coffee shop. I was neither first nor last to arrive.

I was immediately struck with delight at the pleasant surroundings, the black and purple tables and chairs were unusual but I liked them.

IMG_1581 Once we were all assembled, sandwiches and drinks purchased we found a table outside. The tables were painted mauve with purple parasols. My companions are both intelligent clever, fun, women whom I have come to enjoy chatting to online as well as face to face. We share a sense of humour which has been evident in some of our conversations on facebook. Anyone else reading some of our posts must think we are a bunch of nutters. On this September Saturday lunchtime it wasn’t too busy, other people came and went. We chatted, for what felt like just a short time but in fact turned out to be a couple of hours, as they say ‘time flies when you are having fun’.

I enjoyed my time in the warm sunshine with birds singing in the background, butterflies and the occasional wasp flying by, the distant trickle of water from the nearby water features. The good company I was lucky to be sharing this time with. I guess that I can now say that we were ‘Ladies that lunch’. That has never been a part of my life before, hopefully we will now manage to make this a more regular event.

Thank you both for being such great company today.

IMG_1578

I’m still here

Is it because I am getting older or is it because I am losing weight? It would appear that I have become invisible.

So many people have told me lately that I am shrinking, I have lost a fair amount of weight (the scales don’t agree). Last night I took the plunge and weighed myself (expecting a great result) I was exactly the same as I had been the last time, which was about 6 or 7 weeks ago. The good thing is that my clothes have been getting bigger. Oh and the last time I weighed myself it hadn’t changed in a couple of months either. Are my scales broken?

I am just glad that unlike some of my friends I am not a slave to my scales. They do not tell the whole story on their own. Maybe all the walking I am now doing has changed my fat into muscle so that my body is trimmer than it was but the bulk still weighs the same.

So I am losing body mass but not weight.

Something else I am slowly losing is my eyesight. This does worry me more than my weight. I didn’t need glasses until a few years ago, even when I started wearing glasses I didn’t wear them very much only when I needed to. These days however I find I need to wear them 95% of the time. I have two pairs of glasses (both with reactor light film). I have vari focals for reading and middle distance, plus long distance for driving etc. When I am out doing my catalogues I could easily wear both. I am noticing more and more that my eye sight has got worse over a few short years, Where does that leave me in a few more years? I am grateful that we live in such a beautiful country and I get to see lots of wild birds whilst out walking (I can’t always see what they are though). Over the past few years I had forgotten many of the flowers that I used to grow but now I see them and many others in the gardens that I pass through.

With my love of bright colours I am sure other people will be able to see me even when I can’t see as much as I did.

I have never been able to hear properly, I do have two digital hearing aids but these are only really much use when talking to someone on a one to one basis. Because most of my time I am surrounded by sound, my hearing aids don’t help much as they magnify all sound and I still lose what is being said. I rarely wear them any more. I tried to wear them in the office recently (I didn’t tell anyone) but I couldn’t hear any better so gave up.

All my colleagues and most of my friends know that my hearing is not great. I spend a lot of time asking people to ‘say that again’. I am sure most people have got used to my  blank looks when I have no idea what they have just said to me. Most of the time I figure it out by guessing what the missing words should be. If you imagine a completed jigsaw puzzle with gaps where pieces have got lost. You still have a good idea what the picture is, you just don’t have all the detail. That is what my hearing is like. My main problems come with words like  did/didn’t, have/haven’t could/couldn’t, was/wasn’t. I think this is why I try to enunciate every word clearly and why when I write I do the same. For this reason I don’t think I will ever become a successful writer because I write the way I speak, the way I need other people to speak to me. This is not natural for most people, I find contractions in speech difficult.

More and more I am finding that when people are talking around me I can’t keep up with the conversation so I give up trying and retreat into my own world. Sometimes I find it annoying that people don’t make sure I know what is being said, other times I find it hurtful that conversations are carried out around me knowing that I can’t hear properly, this makes me feel excluded.

I should be used to this feeling of being excluded, it has been happening to me for many years. Yet I still find it hurts. When my boys were growing up and belonged to the local football clubs there were a  lot of family events that my family didn’t get invited to, I assumed that it was because my then husband was very embarrassing, that and our lack of money meant we couldn’t often afford to join in, it would have been nice to be asked though.

Now though I realise that it must be something about me. On the face of it everyone likes me, I am often told I am lovely, that people like me, I get on with most people but I guess I must be kidding myself still.

Yes I am feeling sorry for myself and no that is not part of my normal character,  Yes I am generally a positive happy person, that doesn’t mean I don’t get hurt sometimes.

There are many social events going on that I couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to go to, some I just wouldn’t want to go to. Some I don’t have time to go to. What hurts the most is being kept in the dark.

I feel isolated enough because I can’t hear as well as the rest of you, I understand that you might think I might not be able to go to various events and sometimes I might not be wanted there, but please don’t keep secrets from me.

I might not be the life and soul of the party but it would be nice to be invited sometimes.

Before everyone starts thinking that I want/expect to get invited to everything I don’t. What I object to is the secrecy, not only do I miss out on the event but also the chat about what to wear who is going how every one is getting there and also hearing about it afterwards.

Now I am going to cheer myself up by going out walking with the sun on my face and the breeze in my hair, see the birds flying hither and thither, enjoy the colours of the flowers and forget about everyone else.