Enough

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

I just read the above as part of a post on facebook.

For twenty years I existed, I didn’t live. I had been badly hurt and never wanted to feel hurt again. I married a man I didn’t love because I thought he couldn’t hurt me. I was wrong. My first husband never raised a hand to me but he hurt me all the same. Have you seen this Channel 4 advert ? I have only seen it once so far but it had a big impact on me. Like I say my husband never lifted a finger against me but he still bullied me. It took me a long time to realise what was happening.

Like the girl in the ad I had no privacy, I wasn’t allowed to have friends, I couldn’t wear nice clothes or make up. All my efforts to lose weight were sabotaged. I was told constantly that I was ‘fat, ugly, stupid with a brain like a sieve.’

After I turned forty I made a decision, I had been treated successfully for stage 3 cancer, I took this to be my wake up call, stop letting life pass me by. Start living. In order to start living I had to take back my life. It took a while to get the strength but eventually I did. My battle with Cancer had been difficult but I was embarking on a tougher battle. I began to divorce my husband in September 2005, The months that followed were the hardest in my life. I won’t go into detail but he finally moved out of the house 24 April 2007 by court order. The Decree Absolute was dated 27 April 2006.

The next few years were a struggle but at last I was in control of my own life. I knew that if I was going to live life properly then I had to be prepared to take the rough with the smooth. There would be hurt along the way but I believe that if you don’t live through the bad then you can’t appreciate the good times.

I am not greedy, I don’t expect to have everything I could want dished up on a plate, I am happy to work for what I want/need.

Reading this passage, to me says it all.

 

 

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